A person does not become abusive overnight, abuse is a learned behaviour it was either taught to the individual through various practices and experiences in the family circle the family circle is the education ground for all children.
Children learn to be a husband or wife based on what their parents teach them or someone outside of the family who they look up to as a role model may have perpetuated abusive actions on the individual.
Through my research I have placed the perpetrators of abuse into two categories.
Generation perpetrators of Abuse
The abuser is daily living with the pain and shame of being abused and have been exposed to an abusive environment for years so the abuse has become a normal part of life for them. However they are aware that their behaviour is wrong and they need help the simplest thing sets them off and they become abusive.
There can be no change until the perpetrator admits they need help, seek help, and continue on in treatment for this to be done the abuser must also acknowledge that they are weak and out of control, should they be confronted about their behaviour they quickly become defensive and shift blame to anyone or anything. They hate to be corrected.
Narcissistic and Sadistic perpetrators of Abuse
The narcissistic and sadistic abuser has pleasure in propagating their abusive lifestyle all the while knowing it is wrong and eventually they reach to the point where they have accepted their way as the only way and the right way.
This type of abuser is very manipulative and charming they feel invigorated to know that everyone around them bows to them and walks on egg shells around them, they find utmost pleasure and heightened emotional ecstasy in abusive acts of violence and in the administering of pain and fear to their victims.
These abusers will commit murder and justify their acts of violence with charm as they see nothing wrong with what they have done; these persons cannot safely live with other people in a family unit as they will continue to destroy other persons.
Abuse does not get better with time–it only gets worse and will lead to death.
The information below has been quoted from WIKIPEDIA about the Narcissistic personality.
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Requires excessive admiration
Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Often mild to moderate paranoia, that others are out to do him in.
Predominant “name dropper” boasting or suggestion association with people or affiliations of importance.
The following pointers may indicate the presence of someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
They very rarely talk about their inner life – for example their memories and dreams.
There tends to be a higher level of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
They feel that rules at work don’t apply to them.
Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversation of others.
They get impatient and restless when the topic of conversation is about someone else, and not about them.
They constantly use “I”, “me” and “my” when they talk.
If you share the workload with them, expect to do the lion’s share yourself.
They lack empathy and this colours everything they do.
They love to delegate work, and then interfere by micromanaging it. If it goes well they take the credit (plagiarism); if it goes badly, they blame the person they delegated it to.
Blame others for their actions and misfortunes.
During a conversation, no matter what topic is being discussed, they usually end up talking about themselves.
They will always cheat whenever they think they will get away with it.
Virtually all their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others (mirroring).”
from the desk of O.A.B.I
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