Category Archives: Domestic Violence and Abuse

No true fighter for a cause ever came out unscathed.


Some of the hardest people to work with, are those who will not accept responsibility for their actions and those who are crying out for help but will not embrace it when it arrives. There are way more which I can add to this list however I am dealing with these type of persons for now.

At times it is better not to know, hear or see for when you know you have a responsibility to act and do something, sadly when you do act. You place yourself in an open position to be blamed, accused and even refused.

Helping people is a science it is technical, difficult and also simple. There are so many factors attached, I do not believe in just giving clothes, shoes, food or a house I firmly believe that these can be given easily, however the real issue is dealing with the root cause of why that person is in the position they are in.

How do we begin to address the root cause and work with people to accept blame and responsibility for their bad life choices and negative behaviours which have impacted so many around them. People love to cast blame accepting blame seems to be a serious disorder.

After saying all this here is a list of some of the hardest people to work with:

1. A chronic abuser who blames everyone and everything, and firmly believes in his/her mind that they are doing nothing wrong, such a person is deceptive, evil and dangerous. They will even blame those who are helping them and attach their actions and behaviours to the person.

2. A victim who has been silently crying out for help and deliverance, when the help is near even in their mouth and reaches out to embrace it however reclines in fear, afraid to be set free, while saying they will embrace it, this same victim will be grateful for the help but will also turn against those who have come to help belching the sentiments of the abuser. While inwardly is crying.

3. Children who are constantly exposed to abuse, it is said that after 7 years a child will learn various things which will be very hard to let go off and unlearn, it is also said it is easier to fix a child than a broken adult.

4. Many in society who say “You should’ve left them alone in their mess”

5. Many NGO’s who are just plastering and not healing.

Many will say leave it alone, however I would say continue, continue to help even if you are able to save one child from that toxic circle then you have done well, if you can open the mind of one victim that their conscience will continue to bother them then you have done well and even if you can show an abuser that you are not afraid of them then you have done well.

Nobody said the road of an advocate would be an easy one but the few rewards will be well worth the struggle, no true fighter for a cause ever came out unscathed. We should always be reminded of the saying “Woe unto you when everyone shall speak well of you for so did their fathers unto the false prophets.”

Unbiased Advocacy.


find_savings_unbiased

What does it take for a woman advocate to truly stand in defense of both women and men.  I was brought to a rude awakening by a friend in regards to this matter, I always thought that I was very fair in my advocacy however when I was confronted with some facts I had to acknowledge that I did not like what I saw, did I acknowledge what I saw yes, did I apologize for my failure and the part which I played, yes I did, do I feel responsible for what happened to a 24-year-old male and what is happening to other men in this country and around the world, YES!

Because domestic violence and abuse is highlighted as a woman’s only issue I believe many women advocates have become blindsided and stand in defensive of women even when the woman is the perpetrator of abuse, now I am not dealing with the issues where women have been victims of abuse and one day they may lash out in defense of themselves.

I am speaking about women who are calculated, cold, and are perpetrators of  all types of abuse from verbal to physical, I speak of women who have no remorse for the acts of abuse which they are committing or have committed, I speak of women who will use the law to their advantage to continue to abuse their companions further, or even strangers.

I speak of women who have lied on men with such sinister subtlety that it is amazing and can take years to decipher and by the time it is noticed the man is already dead or emotionally drained and devoid of self-worth, confidence, and does not identify himself as a man.

The same passion and vigor which so many female advocates put into speaking out against the atrocities which is perpetrated against women and girls must also be put into effect for men and boys. If as advocates we are not unbiased in our advocacy then we have failed big time, we have even failed the women we vowed to speak out for and we have failed humanity.

My friend shared with me a news article of an incident where a woman killed her boyfriend and children’s father, and he asked me the following questions.  “Not a ‘peep’ from a single female NGO Sherna? What’s going on dahlin?”

I have read the article and it is indeed a very sad incident which has occurred, I have also read the comments and as much as I agree with some of the comments, as an advocate I also disagree with many, as the founder of an NGO which deals with domestic violence and abuse it is required of me to speak out against any type of abuse without favour and bias.

Abuse does not change because persons cross borders.

Women, men and children have been and continue to be both victims and perpetrators of abuse.

There is still a large amount of ignorance on the subject of abuse even in this enlightened age.

Shame continues to hold victims in the prisons of abuse.

Family member’s continue to believe that the abuse will pass and one day all the quarreling and threats will end without violence, sadly in many cases extreme violence and even death brings a closure to the abuse.

Innocent children have to bear the loss of parent or parents. Families  try to preserve the family unit even at the peril of a life, sad but true.

Many want this social blight to stop and be eradicated however they do not want to speak out and also invest their resources or assist with getting resources to do the work.

Many persons speak out on women’s issues and this is commendable I am one of those who continually speak out against domestic violence and abuse perpetrated against women. However we so often neglect to speak out vigorously against the abuse which is perpetrated against men. Today I apologize to all men especially men who are victims of abuse, I have failed you in my advocacy and I humbly apologize, I am sorry.

To all those who have commented about the nationality of the victim and the abuser I need to say that abuse has no nationality, gender, race, ethnicity, religious persuasion or economic class. Abuse is a violation of a person’s human rights and it must be called out for what it is, it is a sick calculated, atrocious, blatant, deadly crime, all the other mitigating factors which may surround the act of abuse must not be used as a facade.

http://www.trinidadexpress.com/news/Jamaican_man_killed_-188143471.html

Awareness and Action


It marvels me that many people are speaking about awareness continually, year go year come and awareness is the constant and consistent subject, persons have been speaking about awareness for time immemorial. Many persons are aware that abuse and human rights violations are taking place but awareness is NOT ACTION.

What we need NOW is not

 only awareness but POSITIVE ACTIONS which will bring about a change in social norms. POSITIVE ACTIONS which will bring about POSITIVE CHANGES.

Governments are spending millions on awareness campaigns, what about the ACTION. While awareness campaigns are going on victims are dying, ACTION will save them.

When Hitler was killing the Jews many countries were aware of it but the Jews deliverance came when ACTION was taken.

Many persons are aware that Domestic violence, abuse, human trafficking, bullying, and human rights violations are taking place every second of the day, will awareness alone save the victims, I think NOT, ACTION and Awareness goes hand in hand.

Today I encourage you to step up and combine Action to Awareness.

Love you all, this post is from your girl… Rising from the Ashes~

A message from the Founder for August Issue.


Many persons keep asking me to post my monthly messages which are published in the magazine on my blog and on our Facebook pages, so I am humbling responding to their request.  This was the message from the Founder for the August issue.  If you are easily offended then please do not read this post for all my monthly messages for the magazine are straight talk no cover up.  Love me or hate me I am doing what I was born and forged to do and that is to serve my Creator and Lord and to be a voice for the voiceless.

Through the fires of pain, trauma, bitterness, hate, deprivation, stolen identity, rape, murder, anger, resentment, lies, deceit, cutting down, and many building up was I forged by the hands of my maker, and refined during my healing process and today my voice will not be silent, because children are dying, women are being brutalized and sold, men are being sold and brutalized. And shall I keep silent? 

A message from the Founder

I will continue to stand for the right even if I stand alone, even if family and friends forsake me, and even if the world is against me, I will stand for the right until the day I breathe my last breath for I have no fear of death because I have found my reason for living!

Many persons have their own understanding and concept of what is right and what is wrong but I honestly believe that there should only be one consensus when it comes to domestic violence and abuse, especially child abuse.  And that consensus should be that it is WRONG!

I believe in God and I believe in his word and no way in the word of God does Jesus Christ condone child abuse, if Christians truly read the word they would realize that even Jesus himself rebuked the Apostles when they tried to hinder the children from coming to him. 

I was truly applaud when I heard a few people who claim to be Christians say that they would not attend a Symposium which dealt with abuse because God was not in it, because Christians should not take Gods precious time loaned to them to attend such things, they even went on to say that time is too short and Jesus is soon to come and Christians should not get themselves side tracked with these things, because it was prophesied that these things will happen and there is nothing we do can stop it.

 At times like these I fully agree with anyone who says they do not want anything to do with Christians because many Christians are their own worst enemy and the upholders of some of the basest, sick, dark, deluded, and criminal acts of crimes being perpetuated in this world. 

 Many profess Christians are disgracing the character of God in the earth and causing many to blaspheme the name of God because they are inept to really handle the various social issues of life and they have their heads  stuck in the sand and their buts in the air while they sing Jerusalem is my home, while they chant we are marching to Zion.

What HYPOCRISY! What total abandonment of the sacred trust which God has given to his children to uphold, the word says “Sigh and cry for the abominations done in the land but more so in the church”  I now realize why the word says “More so in the church” for many churches, synagogues and places of worship are stinking with hate, bitterness, domestic abuse, rape, human trafficking, child abuse, modern-day slavery, bullying, envy, jealously, backbiting, un-forgiveness, fornication, adultery, pornography, lust, avaricious behaviour, and all the things which the darkness of this world delights in, and what stinks before God is the fact that they come into the sanctuary and profess to lift holy hands and call the sacred name of Christ.

While they have the audacity to stand in the holy place and pass judgements on many who they are not in favour with, they have the boldness to stand in the holy place and encourage children to remain distant from parents, husbands to abuse their wives, and young people to marry every Tom, Dick, Jane, Mary, and Harry because they say “It is better to marry than to burn”  so forget about counselling and seeking parental advice and approval let us marry them because they are burning in the flesh for sexual pleasure and so they open the flood gates to all type of lascivious behaviour, divorce, misrepresentation of the sacredness of marriage, and unhappy marriages while they have the boldness to stand in the holy place and encourage their membership not to speak with those whom they think is not of God.

Today I say that such holy places are not holy and that the Devil has found delight in their worship and praise and the eyes of God are turned away as their corrupted sacrifices go up only to be penned in the book of death not the book of life and the unseen watchers are looking on with disgust.

I boldly declare and have been saying the following for years “I am not a Christian! I am a child of God, I am an obedient believer in the word” for the word Christianity has a bitter and distasteful taste in the mouths of many, when ministers can encourage their members not to attend any symposium or conference which brings education and speaks out against abuse, then I boldly declare that such ministers are in full partnership with the DEVIL and are supporters of every evil act of abuse and all those who listen to such counsel have formed allegiances with the darkness of this earth.

The time has come where every government in this earth should pass laws which mandate every minister to attend a one week course workshop twice per year, and at the end of the workshop a test should be given to see how much they understand and are willing to speak out against this evil crime of abuse which literally kills and if they fail the government have the right to revoke the license.

The time has come where every government in this earth should pass laws which mandates that three times a year  an educational workshop which deals with abuse should be conducted in churches, and every minister, lay minister, elder or any person who holds any type of office in a church should attend a course workshop once per year.

The word speaks about the ministry of reconciliation and healing but many ministers are teaching separation and destruction by their wilful actions of encouraging their members not to support the cause against domestic violence and abuse because of their own personal grievances or lack of education they encourage abuse and the killing of children, women, and men the upholder is worst than the thief, by your wilful neglect you uphold the hand of ever abuser in the world.

For this month of August and every month after I encourage you to speak to your minister, speak to your elders, speak to the men and women’s fellowship, and to speak to one brother and sister at a time let your church be a beacon in your community let it be a house of refuge to the abused and hurting, let your church be truly a house of praise and worship.

Church should NOT! Be a place to encourage abuse and hate!

Save our

children

Check out the August issue of the magazine which was published on August 21, by clicking the magazine link: 

Please also check out our new organization’s page over on facebook.

I AM FREE


I lived in a prison for a great part of my life I was bound with chains so strong, I was walking around persons with these chains and no one heard the noise of the links clanging to each other, no one saw the chains that kept me bound, and no one could have freed me from what they did not see or willfully did not want to see.

My prison was a dark and lonely place, it was a place of pain and torture I was fed properly, I was given great clothes, so those looking in probably thought I was free, looking back, I have learned to realize that there is always something which will make some one on the outside think, some one always has a second thought and will always be prompted to ask a question but the some one never does.

Last evening I reflected on my pain during the years of my abuse and today I would like to let you know that you are not alone there are so many persons out here who are using their voices to break through the darkness so you can be free and enjoy a wonderful life of love, health, appreciation, and care.

Today you may be hurting so badly and no one around you understands what you are going through and why, the pain which you are experiencing is unbearable, you may be saying all is lost I will die in this situation.  I would like to tell you that you are not alone I was there, I thought I would have died I contemplated suicide many times, I even planned how to do it and what note I will leave behind explaining why I did it.

But every time I tried there was always something happening or someone would come in at the exact time or someone will call to speak to me I have come a long way and still have a long way to go I am thankful to The Creator for his love and please let me tell you I was angry with God for a very long time in my life, I was angry but deep within I knew he loved me, trying to comprehend the love of God and trying to understand why he did not protect me from the abuse made me so confused and angry and at one time I had no zeal to pray or hear from God I thought he deceived me and was cruel to me.

My pain was so deep I would literally feel my heart hurting and felt so lost, abandoned, and worthless I often asked myself what have I done, was I being punished for something I did do or did not do it was like I was so many persons in one with so many emotions, hurt, pain, and sadness all trying to master me and also come out at the same time.

Today I am here to let you know that what you are going through will also pass, right now you may not be seeing the light there may be only darkness surrounding you, and you mask the pain by wearing the long sleeve clothes and no one knows why, you may be applying excessive make up and no one knows why, you may even be promiscuous and no one knows why, the only persons who know why, are you, your abuser or abusers, God, and the unseen watchers.

Please do not let go hold unto HOPE and FAITH for one day your freedom will come, light will shine upon you and you will exhale with joy and shout from the mountain top “I AM FREE, I AM FREE, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I AM FREE”

Please fell free to email us and share with us your experiences we will support you and encourage you as you go through your experiences, we value each persons confidentiality and privacy.  Email us at support@oabivoices.org

Violence is covered by Silence.


It is said that “Silence is an admission of guilt or Silence is consent” these most popular statements are used daily by many in society, however I like the words of Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) “Silence propagates itself, and the longer talk has been suspended the more difficult it is to find anything to say”.

Many persons have said if the victim of domestic violence does not speak up it is because they have accepted the abuse.  Nothing could be further from the truth the victim of abuse NEVER accepts or encourages their partner to abuse them and use them as a punching bag or verbal floor cloth.

The victim is silent because of fear, shame, guilt, influential and economic positions, society labelling, and recrimination.  Fear because of the continual physical and verbal abuse which the victim has to endure.

Fear for their own safety, the safety of their children, and family members.  They believe by their silence life is preserved the abuser uses threats to keep the victim in submission and  may even commit some gruesome act against someone close to the victim for silence to be maintained.

Society has a huge role to play in this silence as the issue of domestic violence and abuse has met with a callous response from many those who speak against abuse and its narcissistic behaviour are in the minority.  The majority of society have the attitude that it is a “domestic” issue and as such should be dealt with in the family circle without outside interference or intervention, many in society place all the blame upon the victim who has been brutalized and damaged.

Many have said “if the victim did not like it they would have left a long time ago rather than stay to be abused”; it is very easy to say what should be done when one is not placed in the situation.  While the abused is ridiculed and condemned the perpetrator is placed upon a pedestal as a moral citizen and someone of class and impeccable integrity one who should be emulated by all.

Victim’s silence is not by choice nor is it a sign of acceptance many look at their children, their economic position for themselves and the rest of the family and they ask themselves the following questions.

If I leave how will I get by?

Where will I go?

Will I be able to take care of the children and providing their needs?

Will they have the advantages which they presently have?

How long will my family take care of us and are they ready to deal with our emotional issues?

More questions than answers bombard the mind of the victim as they continue to feel inept as a person and provider having no way out and no one to turn to.

There are those victims who look at the influential standing and positions of authority which the abuser holds, some people seem to think that domestic violence and abuse is not an issue for persons in public life and the celebrity arena.

This issue is very much prevalent among this class however it is an embolden secret within the walls of many influential persons in society, the family members are bound together in gross and dark benumbing silence with the black cords of secrets which eat away at their very heart, conscience, emotion and self-worth.

Many turn to the bottle to release their pain of entrapment, some turn to the wild life and stealing petty things while they have millions, some unfortunately try to commit suicide and others look for love, respect, comfort and care in all the wrong places and by doing all the wrong things all the while seeking an escape.

No one can break the silence of domestic violence and abuse but you, if you continue to be silent other’s may very well interpret it as consent as “silence is a text easy to misread” speaking out removes the guilt and shame and frees you mentally and emotionally.

Material things can be replaced not as quickly as you wish them to be however over time they can be replaced, but a mentally unstable and emotionally weak soul is of greater importance and priceless value than any material thing which one may acquire, mental and emotional stability is not so easily repaired and cannot be replaced.

It is gross negligence and selfishness to grow children in any abusive environment this atmosphere sends a wrong messages about love and family to the children their mental and emotional state is in jeopardy and it wrecks their life and future.

Is it because many persons are free from abuse that they do not see the need to get involved in the campaign against abuse?

 Is it that many have broken free from domestic violence and abuse and are still afraid to speak out even though they are free in body but the mind is still imprisoned?

Is it because many avoid the subject in fear of the can of worms which will come forth so they have made a conscious decision to keep silent on this most pressing issue?

The voices and ability of many should be publicly and vocally heard in every area of society unmasking the evil design of this horrendous act which daily unleashes its wrath upon its victims as it sucks them dry and imprisons them, this act of violence has sent many  to early painful graves.

Your voice should be heard in every community, in the parliaments, behind the pulpits and in the pews, from the desk of the professional, in the halls of the academic, in the court houses, from the desk of the student, through the pen of the journalist, from the mouths of the reporters and across lands and seas.

From entrepreneur and employee, the actor should tell the story and the singer should re-echo the pain, the social networks and the media should post it abroad now is the time for all to get involved this is a matter of life and death get involved by using your voice, means, and ability in this campaign against Domestic violence and abuse.

Will you continue to say nothing while many victims are sent to early graves physically, emotionally, and mentally?

From the desk of O.A.B.I

Remember abuse is NEVER your fault you are fearful and wonderfully made love you.