I have been a victim of child sexual, physical, and emotional abuse now I am a daily survivor and I thrive to maintain my healing each hour of the day. I was raped at the age of 6 my innocence and identity was stolen and this cruel act continued for 9 years there after, I was emotionally abused, physically abused battered and bruised, I was lost had no identity, I had several Suicide thoughts and almost did the act on several occasions but somehow there was always a hope that this too shall pass.
I never saw the light beyond the rainbow, I never saw the mountain becoming a plain, I never saw my Red Sea parted but I survived it was a long bitter, and hard road but I survived. And if by the pain and debris of my life I can encourage others and give hope to them through what I do and by using my voice then what happened to me was NOT in vain.
I believed that the abuse was my fault and that became my reality for years, I believed that there was something wrong with me and that became my reality for years, I believed that the shame and guilt was my fault and that became my reality for years, I believed that I was flawed and that became my reality for years, I believed that I was not perfect and that became my reality for years, I believed that I was ugly and that became my reality for years.
What I was never educated and told was, that what I was living as my reality was not truth, was not factual, was not real, but was the Manipulation of sick perverted cruel men and women who ostensibly took on the title of parents, guardians, teachers, ministers, and educators.
I had to learn that I was not to blame, I was not flawed, that there was no guilt and shame in me so why should I feel and be ashamed, I had to learn and accept that I was beautiful and perfect. Learning this was a hard process and a painful one but I learned and accepted it all.
The manipulation of abuse is to let the victim believe with feelings and then those believes become the reality of our life whether we want to acknowledge it or not as victims at one point in our life we believed the lies of our abusers and we lived in the lies and accepted them as real. and even after the abuse is over it takes a process of healing for us to discard those beliefs.
I stand today as hope that it can be done, that what you think may be your reality is NOT I am not promising you that healing will be an easy road OH NO!! It will be the most difficult road that you will ever have to travel but it will be worth it.
A very dear friend of mine and I came up with the phrase “mending the fences” our life fence was broken down by the abuse which we suffered on our healing journey we mend each part of the broken fence one block at a time and one cedar wood at a time some of the blocks we will have to throw away and some of the wood is rotten some persons may even have to break up the entire foundation for the fence and start all over.
I do not know how much of your fence needs mending but what I can assure you is that it will be mended, so take up the hammer, nails, blocks, cedar wood, and all the materials needed to mend the fence and get to work, the materials are those who support us during this most crucial time in our life, the hammer and the nails are the educational tools taught to us on the way and which helps to rebuild the fence, the fence is our life and our emotions.
Start mending your fence today, in this corner of the globe you have a supporter to help you through this storm of your life.
~Sherna Alexander Benjamin.