He wants to meet?


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So I did an impromptu piece for a small group of girls. What was suppose to be just a few hours of relaxation turned into an interactive session about self esteem, abuse, accepting love, relationships, and loving yourself after abuse.

There was a vibrant discussion after. You could of heard a pin drop in the room and a few tears flowed.

People say I a woman of various talents, not boasting its just who I am on my drive to help victims and bring awareness and teach prevention.

Whether its a large crowd or just five persons I bring the message across with depth and passion. Makeup courtesy the five teenagers present. Despite of how it was applied I made those girls feel good. It is time that we begin to see the positives and good in our youths.

And all who know me, know that I am not a makeup person so this right here took a lot. All for the cause.

Take a look at the video.

Tell me what you think.

Become an Active Bystander


Becoming an Active Bystander

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In 1964, the rape and murder of Kitty Genovese shocked Americans from coast to coast. While a man attacked, raped, and killed this young woman for over half an hour, thirty-eight men and women witnessed the assault and did nothing to help. The shock and confusion surrounding this single event captured the country’s attention and launched a substantial debate into how people could watch such an attack, and yet do nothing. This one event launched new research and programs about the ‘bystander effect’

In 1998, eleven years old Akiel Chambers was brutally sodomized and murdered; and a community did nothing to help. In 2006, four years old Amy Emily Annamunthudo was strung up by her hair, tied to a door frame, punched twenty to thirty times about the body with clenched fists, burned with cigarettes on her body, raped, buggered, beaten and suffocated; and a community did nothing to help. In 2008, 8 years old Hope Arismandez was found in a cane field, brutally raped, buggered and stabbed to death; and a community did nothing to help. In 2012, Josiah Governor died after a severe beating and a community did nothing to help.

How can a caring community do nothing to help when persons’ lives are in peril? How can an entire community become passive bystanders? Many people in a bystander role often describe feeling scared and alone; they are afraid to say or do something in the face of violence. They say that they fear making someone angry, possibly misunderstanding the situation, or even triggering further violence. Yet over the years, the bystander intervention approach has recognized that saying or doing something is not necessarily a single event by a single hero.

In fact, in many situations there are a variety of opportunities and numerous people who can choose to intervene. With the bystander intervention approach, the work is broadened to address the behaviors of others– the friends, families, teachers, clergy, and witnesses that surround any act or pattern of abuse; thus, offering an opportunity to also address behaviors BEFORE violence has been perpetrated in the first place.

The Bystander Intervention Approach offers clear benefits:
Discourages Victim Blaming: Breaking the silence around sexual violence is a critical strategy in prevention. Yet, often the ensuing dialogue includes questions to the victim like, “How could YOU let this happen?” or “Why didn’t YOU say anything?”

With bystanders as active participants, the sense of responsibility shifts away from victims and toward the family, friends, and the whole community. The question then become, “How could WE let this happen in our community?” and “How can WE learn to say something?”
Offers the chance to change social norms: With more bystander intervention, society’s collective responsibility takes on a new role. Studies show that social norms can play a significant role in violence prevention, especially in communities such as college campuses. – Banyard, 2004.

Shifts responsibilities to the community rather than any one man or woman: In previous decades, rape prevention programs focused almost exclusively on the dynamic of men as perpetrators and women as victims of sexual violence. Child sexual abuse programs began as programs teaching children to say no and teaching adults to listen. The bystander approach shifts this responsibility and engages adults as agents of change–both men and women become equal partners in prevention.
The reality is that everyone is a bystander, every day, in one way or another to a wide range of events that contribute to sexual violence. It is the little things which you and I can say which makes us active bystanders.

I post this to God. I am angry and I have a right to rant.


This post is not intended to offend nor ruffle any feathers, today I feel like venting and that is exactly what I will do. Do not tell me to keep silent, do not tell me not to post such things.

If I recall, on the days, times, and years I was being sexually, physically and emotionally abused no one said to the abuser..STOP……No one INTERVENED…… No one said BE GONE.

I believe I have earned my right to speak, I have earned my right to vent, I have earned my right to rant and I have earned my right to speak about my journey and experiences. Because I SURVIVED. Without your voice or your help.

Today I post this to God, yes to God. We are taught that he is divine and the creator of all mankind, that he shields and protects and stands up for his creations. That he is all-powerful and all-knowing and has the whole world in his hands.

As a child every Sunday I was dressed and sent to church from nine in the morning until three in the afternoon, when my abuse began, I was scared, shocked and confused. Why did the God I loved allow this to happen to me a seven-year old? Why did he not prevent it from happening? Did I not follow all what I was taught then? I prayed before I went to bed, I prayed when I awoke, I tried very hard to be obedient and I never missed church.

When my abuse continued even though I prayed and prayed to you to intervene, you never did. You allowed pain to be my lot in this life. I then asked you to take my life but you never did. I tried on my own to take my own life but you intervened then, to subject me to greater abuse. It would have been much easier if you had never created me, allowed me to be born or if you had taken my life when I asked you too. Did you by chance find some pleasure in seeing your creation hurt and abused? I will never know.

How did you expect me to have full faith in a God who NEVER intervened to prevent my hurt or the hurt of other little girls like myself?. Was I one of your chess pieces on this huge chess board of life?. Please let me know if I played my part well? For if I was indeed one of your actors and had you offered me a choice I would have preferred another role. 

You speak of love but my experience with you was one of hate, you speak of faithfulness but I endured unfaithfulness, you speak of obedience but it seemed as though you allowed disobedience for it was in your power to turn the tide of battle. You speak of peace but all I got was war and chaos. You speak of prosperity but I received poverty of spirit, emotionally and physically.

I read about a God who parted the Red sea, who destroyed nations, annihilated armies, walked in the fiery furnace, stood in the Lions den, slew Goliath and walked upon this earth. I read about a God who created this world just by his word, was incarnated and born of a virgin, who allowed the sun to stand still. Yet the power of this God I never experienced, the protection of this God I never saw and the love of this God I still long for.

Did I play my part well, am I playing my part well and will I play my part well for this life certainly seems to be dream or some fantasy tale and all I ask is if I am dreaming then please wake me up when it’s all over.

I blame you for not helping me, I blame you for not easing my pain, I blame you for my distress and I blame you for creating me to be abused and used I BLAME YOU. 

As I listened to preaching after preaching I sought you, I longed to embrace and love this God I heard so much about, but it was like chasing an elusive dream or like chasing a man who does not want me all I received in return was pain, no wonder that in many of my relationships I saw nothing in being hurt because you Father God taught me well.

No wonder I had problems with showing and receiving love because I gave what you gave me or allowed to be given to me, no wonder I had problems trusting for you trained me well my Father, no wonder my life was a mess because you made it so.

And the funny thing is when I heard about the judgement I longed to be more closer to you, I longed to be good and do good. So I would keep silent about my abuse because if I told I would go to hell, if I rebelled as a teenager I would go to hell, if I was promiscuous I would go to hell, If I lied and broke the Sabbath I would go to hell. Yet you gave me hell, and those preaching fair words of love, condemnation and the judgement had to be spiritually blind for if they were sighted they would have realized I was already living in hell.

What can I say I cannot fight with you, I can only rant and vent, for after all you are God, you are the boss you rule and we must all be subjected to your rules whether we like it or not, whether we plead, beg or pray for change. 

People say man can move the hand of God, to this I laugh no man can move the hand of God he has already planned what he wants done and orchestrates events and situations to bring his plans to pass and man in his finite foolishness believes to himself that he has done something grand to move Gods hand. 

I wish I had the power to move Gods hand or to allow him to change his mind, back then when I was being abused. Until then if you pray then pray on, if you worship please continue to worship on, if you believe then believe on and if you think you can move Gods hand or change his mind think on.

For me I will just try to live on and hope one day that I will truly experience the goodness of this God I read about and prayed to for so many years.

God I have finished ranting for today. Maybe tomorrow I will vent, do I still love you? Yes I do. Do I still long to feel your embrace? Off course I do. Do I still seek your goodness and blessings of prosperity? Believe it I do.

 

 

 

 

Abusive man

No true fighter for a cause ever came out unscathed.


Some of the hardest people to work with, are those who will not accept responsibility for their actions and those who are crying out for help but will not embrace it when it arrives. There are way more which I can add to this list however I am dealing with these type of persons for now.

At times it is better not to know, hear or see for when you know you have a responsibility to act and do something, sadly when you do act. You place yourself in an open position to be blamed, accused and even refused.

Helping people is a science it is technical, difficult and also simple. There are so many factors attached, I do not believe in just giving clothes, shoes, food or a house I firmly believe that these can be given easily, however the real issue is dealing with the root cause of why that person is in the position they are in.

How do we begin to address the root cause and work with people to accept blame and responsibility for their bad life choices and negative behaviours which have impacted so many around them. People love to cast blame accepting blame seems to be a serious disorder.

After saying all this here is a list of some of the hardest people to work with:

1. A chronic abuser who blames everyone and everything, and firmly believes in his/her mind that they are doing nothing wrong, such a person is deceptive, evil and dangerous. They will even blame those who are helping them and attach their actions and behaviours to the person.

2. A victim who has been silently crying out for help and deliverance, when the help is near even in their mouth and reaches out to embrace it however reclines in fear, afraid to be set free, while saying they will embrace it, this same victim will be grateful for the help but will also turn against those who have come to help belching the sentiments of the abuser. While inwardly is crying.

3. Children who are constantly exposed to abuse, it is said that after 7 years a child will learn various things which will be very hard to let go off and unlearn, it is also said it is easier to fix a child than a broken adult.

4. Many in society who say “You should’ve left them alone in their mess”

5. Many NGO’s who are just plastering and not healing.

Many will say leave it alone, however I would say continue, continue to help even if you are able to save one child from that toxic circle then you have done well, if you can open the mind of one victim that their conscience will continue to bother them then you have done well and even if you can show an abuser that you are not afraid of them then you have done well.

Nobody said the road of an advocate would be an easy one but the few rewards will be well worth the struggle, no true fighter for a cause ever came out unscathed. We should always be reminded of the saying “Woe unto you when everyone shall speak well of you for so did their fathers unto the false prophets.”

LIFE LESSON LEARNT


LIFE LESSON LEARNT:

Many if not all of us have grown up with the saying “Silence is Golden” we were told on many occasions “keeping your tongue will save your life” and what about this famous one “Even a fool when he holdeth his tongue is counted as a wise man” how could I forget this one “What you see here when you come here let it remain here” and finally “What goes on behind close doors remains there” but what trouble is this, the phrases now coming what about “Do not carry your business on the street” and “What goes on in the family stays in the family” and “All talk is not good to talk”.

As a survivor of child abuse I kept all those phrases, and silence was not golden for me, keeping my tongue did not save my life, I was classed as unwise for breaking my silence, I wished those who came to the home and saw unhappiness did not allow it to remain there, I wished I was empowered and educated enough back then to have spoken out about what was going on behind close doors, reflecting now I wished I had carried it on the street, I had no family, for what was going on in the family was brutalization and abuse. I was living in a house which was not a home.

Many of these phrases and more kept me bound for many years dying inside, being lonely and alone.

LIFE LESSON LEARNT: Silence is not always golden and there comes a time when you need to use your voice to speak out, if what is going on behind closed doors are violations of a persons human rights and abuse you need to speak out, using your voice will save your life for it will release you from the pain and torment of the person oppressing you.

When I used my voice some people did not like it, some were amazed, some supported, some believed me but there were those who believed not, there may be many who still do not believe, I say to them your disbelief does not make the facts unreal, my pain less burdensome, the memory less taunting, and my violation less painful.

Your disbelief and fake accusations will not make me keep SILENT as a parent and guardian you failed in your duty to protect me and because I am breaking my silence you feel ashamed, you want persons to look at you as the model parent/guardian so instead of you keeping silent which will be golden for you, you are using your voice against the victim.

Today, someone reading this post may be experiencing the pain of silence now is the time to speak, now is the time to remove the gag order and free yourself from the secrets which you have carried, free yourself so you can grow and experience life and living. Silence is not always golden there are times when silence kills, and it kills generations.

Victim Service Provider


While I continue with my course work in regards to “Victim Assistant Provider” I continue to be amazed and it teaches me that I have made so many errors but I have also made so many good decisions, my errors were shown to me in case scenarios, when I used emotions so many times to assist victims, emotions which should not be in the mix when it comes to being a victim assistant provider.
This course is showing me how emotions can be dangerous even though we have good or great intentions, I am learning to manage my emotions when it comes to a case or an individual and even victims.
Learning that emotions are good but we must learn to manage it and be unbiased in decision-making even if our emotions say something else. And emotions must be place to the side and follow the Ethical rules of being a victim assistant provider.
I am learning that when one gets too close to a victim it becomes harder and even dangerous to truly help that victim and be unbiased when a decision has to be made.
WOW Learning so much and grateful for this course in making me a better victim assistant provider.

Just finished this course area:
Ethics for Victim Service Providers: Ethical Standards II
Section III: Direct Services
Ethical Standard 3.6—The victim assistance provider avoids conflicts of interest and discloses any possible conflict to the program or person served, as well as to prospective programs or persons served.
Ethical Standard 3.7—The victim assistance provider terminates a professional relationship with a victim when the victim is not likely to benefit from continued services.
Ethical Standard 3.8—The victim assistance provider does not engage in personal relationships with persons served which exploit professional trust or which could impair the victim assistance provider’s objectivity and professional judgment.
Ethical Standard 3.9—The victim assistance provider does not discriminate against a victim or another staff member on the basis of race/ethnicity, language, sex/gender, age, sexual orientation, disability, social class, economic status, education, marital status, religious affiliation, residency, or HIV status.
Ethical Standard 3.10—The victim assistance provider furnishes opportunities for colleague victim assistance providers to seek appropriate services when traumatized by a criminal event or client interaction.

Today I begin another course area which deals with “Cultural Competency and Working with Diverse Populations: Cultural Competency and Victim Services”

Lies and Truths


Date

Tue Mar 19, 2013 8:00pm EDT — Tue Mar 19, 2013 9:00pm EDT

About

How comfortable are people with lies, do we as individuals really want to hear the truth even when we are victims or perpetrators. Do we try to save ourselves by believing lies or would we truly be unbiased and accept the truth no matter how difficult it is to accept. History has shown us that the truth has caused many a war but lies bring a subtle comfort and deluded peace which continues to undermine many individuals, families, governments and nations. Would you prefer Lies or the Truth book your seat and contribute to the discussion.

Counting down the days.

We are anxiously counting down the days for commencement of our first show, we know that it will be a great discussion and wonderful debate we look forward to seeing and hearing from you. With 4 days to go we know that there will be many surprises, stay tuned.

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Voice of a Voice. Our Voices must be heard. Three women's journey of healing, sharing their life experiences, educating the public, and showing that there is life after abuse. Sometimes we vent, we rant however we always share hope and encouragement. We share our lives with you. If you are looking for proper grammatical phrases all the time, We apologize in advance. Its our experiences, its our life, and its our rules. Our experiences where not correct nor proper.

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